My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
