So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
