my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
