margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
