I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
