There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
