how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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