take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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