If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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