all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
