woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
