You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
