No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
