all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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