I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
