Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
