yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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