mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i think my cat just said my name.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
