this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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