Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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