And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
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Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
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so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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