i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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