I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
