ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
