had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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