Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
