After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
