Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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