Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
