I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
