Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
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Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
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She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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