I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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