your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
