If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
