I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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