he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
