Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
