her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
