Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
