So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
how drunk are you?
Several
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
