new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Everyone says I win the strip club
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
