she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
