you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize