plz talk dirty to me
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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