We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
im calling her cock vulture from now on
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
