Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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