I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Brb crying the tears of my youth
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
