So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
