when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
