Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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