yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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