to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
