even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
