I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
