why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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