Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
