Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
