My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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