Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
