omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
