I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
