So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
