Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
