is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
