I feel great
I just peed on a car
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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