It was confusing and full of hummus
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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