My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
