can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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