Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Randomize
