why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
