oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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